Ruined By Reality TV: Eight Romances Burnt by the Spotlight
In the current Rolling Stone, Hulk Hogan opens up about thoughts of going O.J. on his soon-to-be ex-wife, potentially returning to the ring and grappling with life as himself: Terry Bollea, a 55-year-old man in chronic pain. Check out the issue for the full story, and see photos of Hulk’s life here.
The Hogans always seemed like a perfectly normal family, living out of the limelight. But as soon as the cameras showed up, things got very weird, very fast. It seems like no matter how happy a marriage is, when the red light goes on, everything goes Hogan. When will we ever learn? Meanwhile! Here are a few of the reality TV romances that went off the rails, right before our eyes. We’ll always have our memories, not to mention our Britney & Kevin: Chaotic DVD — currently going for $9.52 on eBay, or 38 cents per month of marriage.
‘Til Death Do Us Part: Carmen & Dave
True love! A rock god and his lovingly lacqered model-or-actress-or-something! What could possibly go wrong? They could make a TV series about their wedding.
Jon & Kate Plus Eight
Boy meets girl! They fall in love and make babies! Eight of them! But the real sick appeal of the show is watching the will to live get slowly sucked out of Jon’s face, as he sits on the sofa listening to Kate complain, clenching his jaw in indescribable agony. Let’s just say the show gets more popular every season, and it’s not because the kids are getting cuter.
Britney & Kevin: Chaotic
It seemed like a dodgy idea at first, and then America got a glimpse, whereupon it turned into a bona fide terrible idea. Yet whose heart could remain unstirred by the first glances of budding romance between the pop starlet and her fertile backup dancer Kevin Federline? “It’s really none of anybody’s business,” Britney told Matt Lauer, several months after selling the show to UPN.
Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica
How could a love so wrong go so wrong? A celeb marriage perfectly ordinary in its nightmarishness, yet unable to withstand the public humiliation doled out minute by minute to the blushing bride and the oblivion-praying-for groom. Somewhere, out in the vast romance-starved wasteland we call America, there still is a neatly folded pile of “Chicken or Fish?” T-shirts that will never get worn.
The Girls Next Door
Aaaaw, Hef! You’ll meet another girl someday as special as… wait… her name was… yeah, that girl. Special!
Being Bobby Brown
Are we still trying to disinfect our brains with Neuro-Lysol, trying to scrub all memory of this show out of our brains? Hell to the yeah! We all figured if these guys were ever going to split up, it would have happened some time in between “Humpin’ Around” and “I Have Nothing.”
But they lasted through fourteen years of chaos until one season of Being Bobby Brown took them to the heartbreak hotel.
Liza & David
The Minelli/Gest show never even made it to the air, which is probably a good thing for all of us. VH1 canceled the show a week into production, the marriage lasted barely a year, and life? Not really all that much like a cabaret.
Hey Paula!
Paula and That Last Slippery Grasp on Reality: A couple that was never meant to last.