5 Hilarious WTF Courtroom Moments
By now, you’ve no doubt read the hilariously outrageous, if somewhat homophobic, courtroom exchange between an accused murderer and the Georgia judge who refused his request for a new public defender. In the course of 10 minutes, defendant Denver Allen’s profanity-laden insults towards “Fuckman-Ass” Judge Bryant Durham devolved from bold declarations about his intent to “jack off” on His Honor with his “donkey dick,” to violent threats against the judge’s nieces, nephews, sisters and grandkids (none of which Judge Bryant has, apparently). When finding Allen in contempt of court didn’t stop his tirade, Judge Bryant tried adding days, weeks and finally years to Allen’s sentence, to no avail, so he finally taunted back, “Come on. Jack off. Jack off right now.” A round of applause for the court reporter who managed to get every word down!
Court proceedings are usually rather stuffy affairs, but occasionally, someone – usually a defendant – just can’t help but cause a ruckus. Here are some other WTF courtroom moments
Judge Forces Defendant to Remove Bags of Weed From Underwear
Back in May, Hamilton County, Ohio, Judge Bernie Bouchard was not amused to enter his courtroom and be smacked in the face with the skunky stench of marijuana. He gave whoever was holding the contraband the opportunity to come forward before bringing in the drug dogs. Lo and behold, the offender was none other than the defendant, Darius Dabney, prompting the following delightful exchange:
MR. DABNEY: I smoked marijuana before I got here.
THE COURT: Okay. Well, do you have it on you?
MR. DABNEY: No, sir.
THE COURT: Well, it doesn’t smell to me like burnt.
MR. DABNEY: I’m cool then.
THE COURT: You’re safe, you think?
MR. DABNEY: I know I am.
THE COURT: What time did you smoke it?
MR. DABNEY: Shit, like since 9:00, 9:15. I’ll be honest about that….
THE COURT: What’s your name? Do you remember that?
MR. DABNEY: I don’t know that right now.
At that point, Judge Bouchard told Dabney he was holding him in contempt, making him spend a night in jail and giving him a $1,000 fine. But Dabney’s conscience wasn’t yet completely clean:
THE COURT: Now, listen to me, Mr. Dabney. If you got it on you it’s going to be a felony when they strip you over there so I’ll give you one last time to tell me if you have any unburnt marijuana on you. I’m giving you — oh, ah-ha.
(Defendant pulled a bag of marijuana out of his pants.)
THE COURT: Okay. So finally you came clean. If there’s anything else, this is your opportunity. We’re going to destroy it. Are you sure?
(Defendant pulled another bag of marijuana out of his pants.)
THE COURT: Oh my lord. Anything else, I mean, because —
THE DEFENDANT: No.
THE COURT: Mr. Dabney, I’m telling you — now why would you do that? Why would you bring that much pot to court?
THE DEFENDANT: I forgot it in my car, sir.
THE COURT: You forgot it in your underwear.
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