The Official GOP Debate Drinking Game Rules, Pt. 4
From: Press Credentials
Good afternoon,
If you are receiving this email we were unable to grant you a credential to cover the debate in Milwaukee on Tuesday, November 10th.
Please let us know if you have any further questions.
Thank you.
GOP.com
Dear GOP.com,
Your candidates are all mental incompetents, and the world would be a safer place if they were to fall down a cobalt mine and cannibalize one another.
Also, the race you’re conducting this cycle to choose a party nominee is a train wreck unparalleled in the annals of modern democracy. There will be people laughing at your debate tonight in places like Belarus.
However, thank you for processing my request for a credential.
Sincerely,
Matt Taibbi
Rolling Stone Magazine
“Screw your drinking game,” a reader wrote to me a few weeks ago. “What are you, fifteen? I just line up shots and start downing them the minute they start talking. Because I’m depressed, you understand?”
I understand.
Going into the Fox Business Network-hosted debate in Milwaukee tonight, there are a few major themes swirling around the campaign. Ben Carson‘s theories about pyramids are a hot topic, as is his anger that the mainstream press refuses to believe he tried to kill two people, including his mother.
Marco Rubio just released credit records showing he charged $3,800 worth of new flooring and a trip to Vegas on a Republican Party AmEx card, but by accident.
And there’s a general furor among the entire field over the outrageous decision by Starbucks to issue a plain red cup for the holiday season, the latest blow in our ongoing atheistic War on Christmas.
The cast is a little different tonight. Sadly, one of the consistently more amusing participants, Mike Huckabee, has been relegated to the kiddie-table debate that begins at 7:00 p.m. Less tragically, so has Chris Christie. They will join Bobby Jindal and Rick Santorum, who are apparently still running.
For the first time, two well-known candidates, Lindsey Graham and George Pataki, have been exiled from the kiddie-table debate, having been consigned to Naraka, the underworld state of torment common to the Hindu, Sikh, Buddhist and Tea Party traditions.
That leaves Donald Trump, Ben Carson, Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz, Jeb Bush, Carly Fiorina, John Kasich and Rand Paul. Without further ado, here are the rules for the fourth installment of the Republican Party Presidential Debate Drinking Game.
The Official GOP Debate Drinking Game Rules, Pt. 4, Page 1 of 2